I often wonder if I’m doing the right thing.
By not talking to people about God am I projecting him? Am I still displaying God even when I’m not trying to?
That’s something that I’ve struggled with for a long time. And God has finally brought me to the point where I can let that go. Where I can look at myself and say I still am displaying God. Why?
Because it’s not my job. My job is to love God as much as I can. And sometimes that love for him is really, really small. I won’t try to hide that fact. It really is. Sometimes that love for him wanes to the point of mere existence. I look around and wonder if I’m doing something wrong. Then I remember, God works in the silence. When man is sleeping, God is at work. You see my love for God may wax and wane, but his love for me never waxes or wanes.
I will never be able to even begin to understand the limits of his love for me. I don’t think I can…and even if I could would I want to? Would I want to really know the incredible depth to which God loves me? Would I be able to handle it? I don’t think I can answer yes to any of those questions. If I understood the love of God, there would be no mystery anymore. No more surprises on just how far, and how deep his love runs. The love of God is not something that can be logically understood, it can only be accepted.
It works the same way with displaying God to the world. I cannot try to display God, because then he is shown through my filter. I’ve found that when I became captivated by God, I lost all reason for trying to show him to the world. I was awestruck by the God who is absolutely amazing. This God, I cannot even begin to explain him to you. The vision he allowed me to see of himself, and his magnificent plans, you have to see them for yourself. This God, this Love, it’s jaw-dropping. It’s brought me into the place where I don’t have to strive to display God. Being in love with God is enough, and he displays himself. He shows himself. I’ve become a mini-sun so to say.
Just as Jesus portrayed the Father while he was on earth, so do I portray Jesus, not by anything I do though. It’s all by him, through him, and for him. I can’t even try to display him, because whatever I show falls disastrously short of who he actually is. But I can love him. And that’s all he’s called me to do.
The great commission, it’s translation is slightly inaccurate. It really should read, “Therefore as you go, make disciples…”
As we go, as we live out life, then we are to make disciples. Disciples who are captured by the glory of God, captured by the beauty, and splendor of Him. That’s when the real beauty of the Bridegroom will emerge.
So be it.