Well, here’s the first of I’m sure what will be a series. Mainly about me, or perhaps rather his work in my life.
I’m honestly amazed at what God’s done in me. It started during freshman year up here at Clarkson. I got so frustrated because I couldn’t see what God was doing in me. I could see how he was changing everyone else, but not me. But for now, let’s go back to the beginning of this awesome story.
I remember the early morning. Praying at 5am because everything was about to change for me. I was crying because I was leaving home. My family would be bringing me up to Potsdam, a foreign place that I had only visited, never stayed over in. I specifically remember praying and saying: “Everything’s about to change, and I’m scared. It’s going to be different and I don’t know what’s gonna happen. But I know one thing, and it’s that you won’t change.”
How quickly I was defeated by the loneliness and isolation. The God I had prayed to in August that morning had left me by February. It wasn’t easy.
But going back to that first semester, I showed up. We unloaded the cars, er rather a bunch of people I didn’t know unloaded the cars. Clarkson’s SOS team. Student Orientation Services. The Move-In Crew. The cars were empty within two trips and all of my possessions were on the third floor of Cubley. The lounge, or fishbowl as I ended up calling it. “Overflow” rooming. Clarkson knew kids were going to drop out.
We unpacked my stuff, my grandparents left, tears in their eyes I’m sure. I know I had a few. Then off to meetings, as my mom, siblings, step father, and best friend unpacked the rest of my stuff for me. I came back, and my mom had left with one of my siblings to get a cable for my printer. Off to another meeting, and then back, only to find that they had all left. I never even said goodbye to them, no teary hug, mother crying, step-dad shaking my hand firmly with the beginnings of tears. I never got that college send off.
One thing I did get was a note. One that brought tears to my eyes then, and still does right now as I write about it. I kept it for two years, but I’m afraid I may have lost it.
We love you and are so proud of you.
You’ll do great!
I don’t know why, but I read that on my first night away from home, and nearly lost it. Our parents, they really do care about us. For some reason, unknown to me until I have kids of my own, parents just have this undying love for us. To see us succeed and prosper more than they did.
So I went through my first week of classes, eating meals with my roommate because we didn’t know anyone else. And then he found friends on the floor. And there I was all alone again. Just another number. I went to breakfast at 8am, lunch at 11am, and dinner at 4:30pm because I wanted to avoid crowds. I didn’t want to meet new people.
I went and saw my professor for Calculus I. Professor Nishikawa, a pretty cool professor actually. Clarkson, it wasn’t going to be like highschool at all…I had one new roommate. Someone I hadn’t met before. I had a schedule full of classes, books in hand, and a computer, and cellphone. That was it. Oh, and I had God. But I didn’t realize just how much I would come to rely on him.