I’ve been home for two days now, and it’s a different atmosphere. I can say that much that’s for sure.
But I have this incredible peace…which can have only come from God. There is no other way that I could be this emotionally stable throughout this time. For that reason, I’m incredibly blessed.
But there is certainly sadness that I’ve experienced and will experience.
I sit in my grandfather’s chair, watching the television that was given to him by his boss during his recovery from the open heart surgery he went through in November. Around me are the mementos that he collected, all sorts of deer, guns, knives, and a couple of mounted fish.
His shoes sit on the floor, untouched from when he last took them off. His glasses are on the counter in the kitchen, left them in the same place every night. Still there along with his cell phone. He annoyed me with the cell phone. He never carried it unless he was at work, it sort of defeated the purpose of a cell phone (insert laughter here).
Monday when I got home, I headed in to my grandmother and grandfather’s bedroom. The bed was unmade. His pants were laying where he put them every night.
The house was full of people when I actually arrived, and there were tears shed. Not soon after, we were off to the funeral home to set up calling hours and other such details. Now that I look back, it must have been tough on my grandmother. A little over twelve hours prior to the funeral home, she had lost her husband.
From what I’m able to piece together everything happened in their bedroom. Everything occurred very quickly, but apparently my brother, a volunteer fire fighter, arrived and took command. I have to imagine that it was difficult. So incredibly difficult for him. He told me that he first checked for a pulse and then breathing. I think he might have been the first to know my grandfather had passed away. We’ll never know for sure.
My grandparent’s had only recently gotten DVR’s and it was still set up to record the wrestling that he watched. Monday night, it was recording and my mother saw and began to break down again.
Needless to say, things have changed.
Things have changed greatly.
I realize that I won’t come home from college to see his smiling face.
I know that he won’t be at my graduation, nor my brother’s, nor my sister’s, nor anyone else’s graduation.
He won’t celebrate his birthday on Monday. Nor his anniversary on March 10th.
It’s not going to be easy, nor fun, but the human spirit is enduring. Human’s are a mystery because they are so resilient to grief and sorrow. We feel it for a time, and then move past the sadness into celebration.
There is a time for mourning, but eventually every person must move past that into celebration.
I have mourned the loss of my grandfather, but now I am ready to celebrate the life he lived.
Will I be sad about it? Of course, but I have a peace that comes from heaven. For that reason I will always follow the God I have come to know. He is Love, and He is a love that I will learn to know only more.