Holding Fast

Things have begun to spin out of control a little bit. I love God, and I yearn to know him. I yearn to know his peace, his comfort, and his heart.

Only two and a half weeks ago my grandfather passed away. Now my grandmother is in the hospital. With as far as we know a possible stroke, pneumonia, an urinary tract infection and hopefully nothing else. Needless to say, my faith is being tested.

Even with death and pain around me do I still hold on?

Do I still hold fast to the faith that has thus far preserved me?

Even when evil spirits bombard people up here that I care about, do I still remain strong?

It’s difficult, it’s sad, it’s painful. To think that I might lose my grandmother only two and a half weeks after losing my grandfather, it’s heartbreaking.

I don’t know how much I can handle, and I’ll never know until I reach the breaking point. It’s becoming increasingly more, and I want to stand strong. I want to hold on. But I don’t know if I can…

I would like to think that my grandmother will survive, and as of right know, I truly believe she will. I think that it was almost better that my grandfather passed away first because I’m not sure he would have been able to survive without her. I think that she was the stronger of the two, that she can make it without him. It won’t be easy though.

At the same time, we think that my grandfather knew he was going to die. He knew, but was keeping in high spirits the way he would want people to be. It was hard. It was sad. I know I won’t go home to see him there again, but I can’t say that I’m ready for that situation with my grandmother as well. I love her very much, and sincerely hope and pray it’s not her time. But I will continue to hold fast because it’s the only thing I know. I only know of my God, and how much I desire to know him.

He will continue to walk with me through the valleys, he will continue to lead me through the darkness, and he will not fail. I will follow him no matter where he leads me.


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