Is that your final decision?

Well, well, well, seems like I haven’t been very active on here this week!

I’m alive though! I promise! (If you can’t tell, my voice is finally coming out in my posts here 😛 which is totally exciting!)

Anyways this week has been really up and down for me. Last weekend I got to have a great conversation with my friend from back home (the one who had a problem texting me back and got me so frustrated). It was awesome! We chatted for a while…and then he started doing it again. He stopped replying, and I don’t think I really sent that many text messages to him! So, needless to say I’m completely confused. But anyways I talked with his best friend, also a close friend of mine, and he said to just leave him alone for a few days.

I was like, okay. But that’s gonna be super hard for me. And it is. I can already tell, like I already want to text him and it’s only been two days! ARGH!!! I’m so frustrated!

This morning though after my run (I ran every day this week so far! WOOT WOOT!!) I found another page on Facebook that I like, you know more of those photo quotes 😛

And on that page I found this quote.

Unfortunately that’s not the first time I’ve seen it. I saw it yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. I’m starting to think something is going on here.

But then I found this other quote.

And then I realized I don’t know what’s going on.

As I sit here right now, I can’t help but wonder if this is the way it’s meant to be. I wonder if his part in my life is over. I pray that it’s not because I love all my friends and I would hate to have him leave my life. He’s had such a huge impact in my life.

And then I ran into this quote.

So now I’m all confused. I’m truly torn between wanting to repair the relationship that seems to be broken, and wanting to let it go and see what happens.

I would say this is by far one of the most difficult periods I’ve gone through yet, and I’m not sure what is going to happen.

I guess the point that I’ve arrived at now is if I stop texting him completely, you know stop giving him support, is he going to notice? Will my friend who is like a little brother to me notice? I just don’t know. And the more I think about it, the more I realize I can’t let it bother me. The decision I made last week, or a couple weeks ago I’m not sure, I need to follow through with. And up until now I have been.

These past couple of weeks have been amazing, just in little ways. I had the house to myself last weekend and danced around because I just got super happy. I found a music video cover of Nicki Minaj’s Starships that is totally acapella however they make the music with their own mouths…oh forget it, I’ll just show you!

Go ahead, listen to it. OH! And it’s created using a lot of normal people! I watched the actual music video by Nicki and I totally like this cover soooooo much better.  Just the sheer number of people who pitched in is amazing! I truly want to bring people together for something epic like this!! I think when we truly bring people together for something like this it’s just pure awesomeness!

I’ve been dancing in my room to this song lately. It’s just so fun and energetic 🙂

And yesterday I went to a presentation by a paralympian. This guy, Jason Rieger, got into an accident in 1996, and only has 10% body function. But this dude is out playing WHEELCHAIR RUGBY! He went to Athens, Beijing, and London for the paralympics, and played in the world championships at least three times.

I thought about that and realized if he can do that, I absolutely do not have a right to complain because my back hurts when I’m running two and a half miles.

But anyways, the presentation was awesome, AND he gave people the chance to look at his bronze medal from London (the only time the wheelchair rugby men’s team hasn’t taken gold in the last three or four Paralympics). AND I got to wear it! To be honest it was really awesome to look at the medal. They have braille around the edges for obvious reasons, although to be honest I’m not sure what sports those blind participate in…but the medal was really kind of cool.

I don’t know that I’ll ever wear an olympic medal of my own, but then again if you had asked me if I’d be in graduate school and desiring to work with teenagers to get them into college when I left high school four and a half years ago…well I’d have said I have no idea.

I still don’t, so while although I don’t know exactly where my life is taking me, you know what, I’m gonna live it. If my friend wants to come along, then he’s more than welcome, in fact I’d love it, but now it’s time for me to live life.

So you know what, I’ma tell you the same thing!

Go, live life, and those who want to be with you will follow! And if you live life, you give others permission to live life too. It’s a weird fact but I’ve learned it’s totally true, so go for it.

Oh man I totally almost forgot the photo!!!

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A first for me

Well. I finally did it. After reading who KNOWS how many posts from various people saying “make a list of goals!” and other posts saying “don’t do it!” Well, I did it.

I have a list of goals in hand, that I want to accomplish over the next two years, although perhaps better stated as “while I’m at grad school.”

Because I need people to keep me on track, or at least I want to pretend that people will, I’m going to post some of them here. Plus I really just want to show that I actually did take an hour of my day and did something that is productive to me. I can say that’s one thing I never did before and I want to encourage you to do it. Take an hour of your own day, and keep it for yourself. Don’t let anyone else have it. And use that hour to work on your life. Seriously, go do it! I can assure you that unless something terribly drastic is happening or happens during that hour, no one is going to miss you all that much. The world will keep going, and you can jump in right after you’re done.

Besides that I found another activity that  I might do sometime, probably not today, but maybe tomorrow or something. The general idea was to write down what your ideal day looks like. Every single detail you can think of, record it and write it down. Then begin to change things in your life so you can work towards that ideal day! I think it’s a great idea, and I actually do look forward to doing it. But not tonight, I’m too busy with work for grad school and planning out how to achieve my goals! (It makes me all excited to realize that I ACTUALLY have concrete goals for once!!)

Anyways, here are some of them!

Goal #1     Get to my goal weight of 165 pounds and stay there, between 160 and 170 pounds, for at least 6 months.

Goal #2     Finish, edit, and publish my first novel.

Goal #3     Get a passport.

Goal #4     Do 100 pushups in under 5 minutes.

Goal #5     Stop complaining so much.

Goal #6     Love people and not things.

Goal #7     Save up at least $5000.

Goal #8     Get rid of any debt I have other than student loans.

Now that’s just a small sampling, um 8 out of 18 goals I’ve set. Quite a few of them are actually quite obtainable, some of them will take a little more work than I am doing right now, but the thing is I’ve put consideration already into each of them, and they’re all easily obtainable within two years! When you set goals, make sure that you can reach them! But at the same time, you need to not be afraid to dream big!

I’ve started dreaming big and I know I can reach my ultimate goal which is not having to ever worry about money. But here’s the catch, I don’t want to be filthy rich. I want to have enough money that I can do what I want to do, follow my passion and not have to worry. That I would say is probably my ultimate goal. I want to be able to help others become than they are right now. I want you to become a better you.

Anyways, that’s my plug for today! Set some goals and revel in the satisfaction when you finish them!

His Story in Me Part 18

After graduation from Clarkson wayyyyy back in May of 2012 I went home. For two months I worked intermittently with Upward Bound in preparation for the Summer Program. We had at least one meeting in late May, and the summer program orientation in June, and then we FINALLY started on the 27th of June.

There was a much smaller crew of new students this summer due to uncertainty about the grant being renewed. The grant was renewed and the program will exist for another five years! (That makes me excited of course lol)

I worked with the credit class this summer, three and a half hours of intro to theatre. But I enjoyed it, probably more than the kids did sometimes.

This summer was some real growing times though. My two closest friends, the two boys I began to mentor way back in 2010, visited me quite often. Most of the time they would show up at my house and my warning/knowledge that they were there was generally a phone call, and then “hey, we’re outside.”

I didn’t mind one bit though, in fact I relished the times they came over. I just enjoy spending time with them. They bring me to life almost more than any other people I know. I realized from this past summer that I love them like younger brothers. They continued to challenge me and change my life. I love them for that reason among many. My life has vastly opened up and improved because of them.

The summer program was an absolute blast! After six summer programs, I can officially say that this last one (the sixth), is by far the best one yet. If I could I would work with summer programs all year long!

In August though, I had to begin preparations to leave the area and head to Plattsburgh to begin graduate school.

Whoa I’m on fire today…not literally though

So after posting perhaps less than an hour ago I was back on Facebook (bad Jeff. No going to Facebook every time your bored.).

And I was getting really upset. One of my friends shared this picture of Mitt Romney and something about him thinking half the country relies on the government or something. Don’t worry, no political rant here, I honestly don’t care about politicians. I know that probably makes me a terrible voter because I’m poorly informed, don’t worry, I’ll study up before the election, promise!

But anyways I was looking through the pictures and getting really, really mad! There is simply so much hate for just one person! I mean can’t people realize that Romney and Obama (and Bush and Clinton and all the other politicians) are human beings too? I’d say we each take a turn to be President of the US for a day, I guarantee we’d be done within the 24 hours and hand it right back to them.

And then while writing my last post I found the picture from another blog full of picture quotes (I love them obviously 😛 ) and from that blog I wound up on The Love Yourself Challenge Tumblr page.

Can I just say that I’m thankful for people like Rae Smith and Scott Smith? They’re young, driven, have great photography skills (at least Scott does, just from the about page I think he takes most if not all the pictures they use.), and Rae has overcome anorexia.

But the thing that gets me about them is that just from looking at their tumblr page, they inspired me! They got me fired up to live life, which is their main goal if you read through the site. I’m so very thankful for sites like that, sites that do nothing but shine like beacons because of their positive message!

This world is so full of dark, dank, and depressing messages, people who want to do nothing other than make sure that others are more unhappy than they are, and people who make others depressed unintentionally, that those beacons of people make me so very happy!

I mean go outside for ten minutes.

Forget everything else and go outside.

If it’s nighttime where you are, feel the crisp air, or humid in some places I suppose 😛 notice the stars in the sky, notice the moon if it’s out and how it reflects light from the sun.

If it’s daytime, notice the animals, the birds, take a deep breath of hopefully fresh air (I’m truly sorry if you live in a city, but breathing outside is still better than the still air inside or smokers, well the smoke, I dislike the smoke). Feel the sun warming you. It’s fall where I am right now, and I haven’t spent nearly enough time outside. I honestly wouldn’t mind just going for a walk right now, scratch that I might in a few minutes after I shower. Listen to the natural sounds of life.

The more I think about it, the more I realize we miss this when we listen to our iPod’s and sit and play games all day.

I guess I’m catching a passion for life. I don’t want to just sit around and live a normal life, I want to live an extraordinary life. So I’ll leave you in this post, probably the last one for today but hey you never know, with a whole list of five or six websites to check out if you need some encouragement today. Go for it, click one and waste five minutes, it’s five minutes that I don’t think you’ll regret.

The Love Yourself Challenge

A Lifetime of Wisdom

Personal Excellence

Daily Transformations

Zen Habits

Your Life Your Way

I’ve used almost all of these nearly every day, except for The Love Yourself Challenge and A Lifetime of Wisdom, I found those two today. But seriously, if you need encouragement click on one and read some articles. At the very least it will spark in you an inner desire to change, an inner desire to become a better you than you are right now. Read them for too long though and you might catch an infectious desire for life so be careful… 🙂

Ha, did you see that? I just spread my joy a little. I guess my previous post is already applicable…I like that. =D

Facebook quote and how it began to change my world.

It’s cold today. Or at least colder than it has been, so after breakfast made by the ever so humble Kate (I suppose that deserves some explaining…perhaps another post in the “His Story in Me” category hmmmm??) I came back into my little room and crawled back into bed to just check out Facebook. You know that little thing you do probably every morning just like me if you have one. Sometimes I get to thinking that we waste wayyyyyyy too much time on Facebook…and then I just go back to looking at it. I really need to stop that. But anyway, I digress.

So I was looking at Facebook, and a friend shared a photo quote. You know what those are right? The little quote, generally something inspirational like “Be the change you wish to see” or “Make today the day you start changing things in your life.” For some reason I really get a kick out of reading them, and oh meme’s too, I really enjoy those a lot as well! Again, I digress.

I did my usual thing and clicked on the picture and then looked at the next three dozen or so that came up. I tend to just look at the wall photos of different pages and never really like any of the pages. I came across one quote that struck me particularly.

Bam! And it hit me literally right then (nothing physical hit me I assure you. I would have hit back and things would have gone terribly wrong…).

I suddenly realized that I waited until I had a problem to write here on my blog. Okay, so I didn’t *suddenly* realize it…but it didn’t take long. And there are some people that I talk to that all they ever hear about is my problems.

I don’t like that…I don’t like that at all! And even now, I’ll be honest, I’m struggling to write this because all I want to do is talk about my problems. But then I keep thinking along with the quote, you know? What kind of persona do I give off because all I do is walk around all morose and concerned with my problems and difficulties? Why should I just be consumed with my trials in life? Why don’t I embrace the joy and happiness I do have?

I really think it’s time to acknowledge the problems, difficulties, failures, and fights. But after I acknowledge them, why not just move on? For some reason I get stuck. Perhaps it’s time I take a leaf from a two year old. When he gets in trouble he gets spanked after understanding why. But after a couple minutes he’s all bubbly and cheery! Now I can’t claim to understand the exact process, but I bet that he “understands” it won’t help him any to remain all depressed and forlorn because he was punished, so he changes.

I think it’s time that I choose to embrace and follow all the joys and blessings I have in my life. Time for me to stop talking about my problems and talk about my joy. I mean there are, given the time, any number of things I could come up with that I could talk about that are not in any way related to my problems. Does that mean I would stop talking about my problems? Of course not! But that does mean that I would choose WHEN to talk about them. By choosing when I can avoid becoming that pessimistic guy that no one likes to talk to because the world is always ending. I feel like I’ve been that guy to a couple friends in particular so if you read this ever, I’m sorry. But I’ll tell you in real life too just in case you never read this 🙂  I think that this is important enough to do that.

So I challenge you, like I’m going to challenge myself, to stop talking about your problems, if even for one day, and just talk about things that bring you joy and make you happy! Just one day, I feel like if we do that two things will happen. First, we’ll all be shocked and not really know what to do, but second and probably the best, we’ll become addicted. We’ll become addicted to being happy and not depressed. So do it.

You know what I’m happy about right now? Honestly, it’s the fact that I’m able to write. I enjoy writing here on Running After the One, and I really, really enjoy writing my novel.

There. I’ve already started my day. Go, and talk about your joys, let the problems come up, but don’t dwell on them any longer!

Life.

So this post is a very personal post to me. Of course that’s why I’m putting it online blah blah blah. Regardless it’s personal and I’ll get into it after.

Today in one of my classes our professor asked us to write our obituary.

I’m pretty sure I’ve done it before sometime when I was in high school, but I don’t really remember it, and I’ve grown up a lot since then. So without further ado, my obituary:

He was a great friend to those he met. Those friends he became close to meant the world to him. He was willing to go any distance for them, to do anything they needed, to give them nearly anything they wanted. 
 
As he got older he developed an infectious passion for living life. Really living, not just doing the same old thing everyday. He loved people, could talk to anyone and make them feel like they were the only person in the world. His love for life changed people. People merely saw him, complete strangers even, and couldn’t help smiling and wanting to love just a little bit more. 
 
He died as he lived, embracing death as a friend and having accomplished his dream of changing the world. 

Rudimentary I know…but the thing is as I wrote it this time I realized just how much I’ve grown up. I wrote another piece in another paper for another class that showed me the same thing.

Before I merely wanted to be successful, now I think about changing the world. Why not dream big? We as human beings have these moral values that serve us each as a guide, but too often we let them constrict and bind us. We limit ourselves and thus our dreams. I want to challenge those limits, I want to break them and their hold over us. Our morals do not define our limits, our morals guide us into our dreams and passions. 

My life has truly shifted. I’ve grown up to be someone that I am recognizing I can be proud of. I think that’s a weird way to put it, but it’s true. Even as I write right now I realize the limitations I put on myself, the ways I hold myself back. It’s this moment right now that I need to decide: do I stay where I am or do I break the barriers that are holding me in?

There are people in my life that I love dearly, do I hold onto them even if they cause me to remain where I am?

There are things in my life that I enjoy, do I keep doing them if they cause me to remain where I am?

I cannot answer all those questions. I don’t have the answers right now.

I can tell you what my perfect life looks like. I would spend all day, every day with my closest friends. I would see the world with them and we would ponder the deep questions of life. But most importantly we would live life. We would change the world. They already do and would challenge me and change me. I would reciprocate and do the same for them. I would help others to realize there is much more to life than what they know. I would challenge others. I would love everyone unconditionally. My life would be lived, I would not merely exist.

That is I think the most fundamental thing I need to recognize. In my life, for too long I have merely existed. It is time for me to live, it is time for me to dream big and follow my passion with all that I have.

All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible. This I did.     ~T. E. Lawrence