You know, there are times when I wonder what I’m doing. I wonder am I on the right path?
I haven’t been writing, I haven’t been working out, I haven’t been entirely truthful with some close friends. I’ve been violating personal principles.
I guess I have to realize that I’m still learning who I am.
I guess I get worried about whether everything is going to work out y’know?
I guess the silver lining in all of this is that I realized that I don’t know what I really want.
I have vague ideas, but no solid ground. I guess it’s really that I just don’t know what I’m doing right now.
Now. That doesn’t mean that what I’m actually doing right now I don’t want to do…I want to do it very much because I enjoy it! But sometimes I wonder you know, what am I going to do after I’m done with school?
I have friends that I’ve made, that I love very much, and I don’t get to see them often.
I have yet to find love. I wait patiently, preserving who I am for whoever I meet. Of course I have met some whom I hope to call mine one day, but I guess at the same time I don’t know what to do there either….
Really I’m just confused in general I guess. Maybe I need to figure out what I want. I feel like I’m rambling on and on. See this is a time when I wish I had someone who I could just ask “What should I do?” and they’d tell me.
Of course that’s a silly concept though!
See I never really realized just how much I judge myself, how very little self-esteem I have, and how very um, lost (?) I am. I’m not sure that lost is the right word to use there.
I guess I can sum it up like this…I don’t know exactly what I want. I don’t really know who I am, and really what I would love to do is just hang out with my friends all day doing all sorts of stuff. I long to just talk and develop deep friendships with people I love without all this peripheral stuff like school and working for money and stuff going on right?
Oh well…I suppose that I shall some day attain that status, preferably sooner than later though….