I wish I could say that I’ve been in a relationship.
I wish I could say that I’ve kissed a girl.
I wish a lot of things.
But, in all honesty, I would rather be in love. And…I must confess that I am.
I must confess that I am in love with someone, and when I say that, I mean I truly and deeply am.
I can’t go an hour without thinking about them. I can’t go a day without wishing they would text me. I can’t go a night without falling asleep with them on my mind nor a morning without them crossing my thoughts first.
I’m helplessly, hopelessly stuck. I love them. But, much to my sadness, they don’t love me.
I mean, I would do anything for them. My heart stops anytime I hear of them being hurt in sports. I would destroy anything that caused them pain. I would travel home in a second, no matter what happened or what was going on for me. I would be there the second they needed me.
You know, there’s a quote that Bob Marley said, and it’s stuck with me ever since I read it: “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
For me, this one is worth suffering for.
True love, as I’ve come to understand it, is not about you at all. In any way, shape, or form. You will place yourself in danger for the other person. You will be reckless, and love with reckless abandon.
Because of them.
Because when you’re in love, truly in love, it’s all about the other person. Never once is it about you, and how they fulfill you. It all focuses on them. It all focuses on him or her. You fall for them and truly desire their complete happiness. You’ll do anything to make them happy and you won’t worry about yourself.
But that’s insane! Crazy!
To not worry about yourself at all?
That’s what the other person does.
They are the one who worry about you. You worry about them, them about you.
That is true love.
Besides that…how do I feel?
Despite the fact that they don’t reciprocate my feelings, I can’t see myself with anyone else. I look at them and see happiness. When I’m around them, I feel totally and completely at peace. As if nothing could ever go wrong again. When we’re around each other, it’s just us; everyone else is gone. I just can’t see myself without them in my future. And it’s painful. So very painful to know they don’t feel the same.
Regardless, I still have hope. I always will. I’ve prayed and begged and asked for this burden to be taken, because I cannot focus on anything other than them. But it hasn’t been moved. So I have hope.
There is no other who has made my heart sing like they can.
There is no other who makes me feel such a pleasure.
I could spend hours with them, just looking at them, eating, drinking, watching shows, listening to music, spending time with them. That’s it. I’m not just about sex, that’s not what true love is, or at least not all it is.
I love them. More than anything. And I won’t just give up. I’ll wait. I’ll be patient. Because until God shows me someone else, my heart will be theirs. Besides, I could do no better in my eyes.