A Thousand Years

A long time ago I had a series that I wrote, called songs that mean something. Well, here’s another installment!

This time, “A Thousand Years.” The original is by Christina Perri, but I’ve heard at least three covers (all of which I confess are in my YouTube playlist) that I enjoy very much. I’ll post the cover by Kurt Hugo Schneider at the end of the post. Or maybe you’ll get a two-fer and I’ll share the one by Peter Hollens as well.

So…A Thousand Years. Originally it was written for Edward and Bella from the Twilight series (I can hear the groaning already) and I actually enjoyed reading them and watching the movies.

Honestly, I can so very easily see this as a direct comparison between the believers love for Christ, and in my own life as a song for the person I fell in love with.

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I’m afraid
To fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt
Suddenly goes away somehow

Is there any doubt that when we first fall for Christ, we have no idea what it will be like? I know that the first time I met God, I was terrified. 

But I think that my favorite part of the song is definitely the chorus.

I have died every day
waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I’ll love you for a
Thousand more

I feel that Christ sings this over us quite often. But for me personally, I find myself singing it over the one I love. I could never pretend to dismiss the feelings I have, because they are real and true. That person, I have loved them from the moment we met as a good friend, and it grew from there. I have loved them ever since, and it is like never to change. I guess that there is a part of me that can’t really explain how I truly feel, but I’ll let the song speak for me.

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Is that your final decision?

Well, well, well, seems like I haven’t been very active on here this week!

I’m alive though! I promise! (If you can’t tell, my voice is finally coming out in my posts here 😛 which is totally exciting!)

Anyways this week has been really up and down for me. Last weekend I got to have a great conversation with my friend from back home (the one who had a problem texting me back and got me so frustrated). It was awesome! We chatted for a while…and then he started doing it again. He stopped replying, and I don’t think I really sent that many text messages to him! So, needless to say I’m completely confused. But anyways I talked with his best friend, also a close friend of mine, and he said to just leave him alone for a few days.

I was like, okay. But that’s gonna be super hard for me. And it is. I can already tell, like I already want to text him and it’s only been two days! ARGH!!! I’m so frustrated!

This morning though after my run (I ran every day this week so far! WOOT WOOT!!) I found another page on Facebook that I like, you know more of those photo quotes 😛

And on that page I found this quote.

Unfortunately that’s not the first time I’ve seen it. I saw it yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. I’m starting to think something is going on here.

But then I found this other quote.

And then I realized I don’t know what’s going on.

As I sit here right now, I can’t help but wonder if this is the way it’s meant to be. I wonder if his part in my life is over. I pray that it’s not because I love all my friends and I would hate to have him leave my life. He’s had such a huge impact in my life.

And then I ran into this quote.

So now I’m all confused. I’m truly torn between wanting to repair the relationship that seems to be broken, and wanting to let it go and see what happens.

I would say this is by far one of the most difficult periods I’ve gone through yet, and I’m not sure what is going to happen.

I guess the point that I’ve arrived at now is if I stop texting him completely, you know stop giving him support, is he going to notice? Will my friend who is like a little brother to me notice? I just don’t know. And the more I think about it, the more I realize I can’t let it bother me. The decision I made last week, or a couple weeks ago I’m not sure, I need to follow through with. And up until now I have been.

These past couple of weeks have been amazing, just in little ways. I had the house to myself last weekend and danced around because I just got super happy. I found a music video cover of Nicki Minaj’s Starships that is totally acapella however they make the music with their own mouths…oh forget it, I’ll just show you!

Go ahead, listen to it. OH! And it’s created using a lot of normal people! I watched the actual music video by Nicki and I totally like this cover soooooo much better.  Just the sheer number of people who pitched in is amazing! I truly want to bring people together for something epic like this!! I think when we truly bring people together for something like this it’s just pure awesomeness!

I’ve been dancing in my room to this song lately. It’s just so fun and energetic 🙂

And yesterday I went to a presentation by a paralympian. This guy, Jason Rieger, got into an accident in 1996, and only has 10% body function. But this dude is out playing WHEELCHAIR RUGBY! He went to Athens, Beijing, and London for the paralympics, and played in the world championships at least three times.

I thought about that and realized if he can do that, I absolutely do not have a right to complain because my back hurts when I’m running two and a half miles.

But anyways, the presentation was awesome, AND he gave people the chance to look at his bronze medal from London (the only time the wheelchair rugby men’s team hasn’t taken gold in the last three or four Paralympics). AND I got to wear it! To be honest it was really awesome to look at the medal. They have braille around the edges for obvious reasons, although to be honest I’m not sure what sports those blind participate in…but the medal was really kind of cool.

I don’t know that I’ll ever wear an olympic medal of my own, but then again if you had asked me if I’d be in graduate school and desiring to work with teenagers to get them into college when I left high school four and a half years ago…well I’d have said I have no idea.

I still don’t, so while although I don’t know exactly where my life is taking me, you know what, I’m gonna live it. If my friend wants to come along, then he’s more than welcome, in fact I’d love it, but now it’s time for me to live life.

So you know what, I’ma tell you the same thing!

Go, live life, and those who want to be with you will follow! And if you live life, you give others permission to live life too. It’s a weird fact but I’ve learned it’s totally true, so go for it.

Oh man I totally almost forgot the photo!!!

You Don’t Know You’re Beautiful

Okay, so that’s not the actual title of the song…BUT it is true. Remember or perhaps learn for the first time that in the eyes of Christ we are beautiful.

When He looks at us He sees beauty beyond compare. He rescued us in our brokenness and ugliness to heal us and make us whole.

We have forever been changed by Him. But we forget about that far too often. He tells us over and over how beautiful we are, how much we’re worth to Him, but we just smile and look at the ground never really believing him.

I’m not gonna lie, but I’m sorta preaching to myself right now. I look at my life and see nothing BUT brokenness and I fail to remember just how much I mean to Him.

One line as I listen to the song just stuck out to me.

If only you saw what I can see, you’ll understand why I want you so desperately. Right now I’m looking at you and I can’t believe you don’t know you’re beautiful.

I took out some of the words to shorten it, but that’s it. I listened to it and it just stuck out.

I can just see my Jesus standing and looking at me and saying that.

“If only you could see what I can see right now. If you could see, then you’d know why I spend so much time chasing you, why I suffered so for you. I’m looking at you, and I can’t believe that you don’t know nor believe that you’re beautiful.”

There was a second line that really stuck out to me.

Everyone else in the room can see it, everyone else but you.

OH MY WORD, HOW TRUE THAT IS!!

It happens far too often to me, I don’t know about you guys but I’m always so desperate to know just what others and God think of me!

Do people really care about me? Do they actually, legitimately care?

Can I be honest with you right now? Sometimes I just need people to tell me: “Yes, I do care about you. I would miss you if we stopped talking or something happened to you.”

Sometimes I just need it. Of course it’s also partially on me because I don’t always tell people I care about and love them. Not nearly as much as I should. In fact I think tomorrow I shall text a few of my friends and tell them.

But most of the time, everyone else can see just how much people care about you. I learned that this summer with Upward Bound. A lot of the students there really care about me and enjoy my presence, but they’ve never said anything…and so that leaves me wondering you know?

However ask someone how much people care about or like a particular person they can tell you a lot. See everyone else really does know!

It’s a total conspiracy!

Okay, so it’s not a conspiracy at all, but that’s the basis of this message!

You, as a human being are incredibly beautiful to God and rarely do we remember that. Also don’t forget that people will almost never tell you just how much you mean to them. But remember that you don’t tell people just how much they mean to you either, so go do it! As I’ve written before when we change we inspire others to change, you tell people how much they mean to you, I think they’ll start to tell others how much they mean to them.

We have the capabilities to make the world realize just how beautiful they truly are and how much they’re valued.

And now without further ado, What Makes You Beautiful by One Direction!

Collide

This song is a more interesting mixture, it’s almost like an exchange between you and Jesus. So without further ado, read on!

Jesus:     The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You’re barely waking
And I’m tangled up in you, yeah

I’m open, you’re closed
Where I follow, you’ll go
I worry I won’t see your face
Light up again

You:       Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find you and I collide

I’m quiet you know
You make a first impression
I’ve found I’m scared to know
I’m always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find you and I collide

Don’t stop here
I lost my place
I’m close behind

Jesus:  Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find you and I collide

You finally find you and I collide
You finally find you and I collide

If we truly understood how often we’re on Jesus’ mind, I feel that we would be shocked. Everything we do seems to bring us into Jesus evermore. But we doubt just how much we love Jesus sometimes. Does He really love us?

He does love us. He loves us infinitely more than we can ever know. We will find that we love Him back. His love boils up in us and we begin to reciprocate it back to Him. We find that we collide with Him all the time.

100 Years

We all know time is short. Life is short. Life is sometimes too short. I found this song by Five for Fighting a couple weeks ago. I hadn’t listened to it for a good five or six years! But it popped into my mind those couple of weeks ago and I listened to it and remembered why I enjoyed it! The piano music, the lyrics, it was all just the same! (as if it would have changed any yeah?)

Our time as a Christian is short on this earth, but it lasts for all eternity. I think in a way we will be young in Christ for a long, long time. Paul himself knew Christ intimately, but I don’t know that he would even call himself seasoned in Christ. That’s a presumption, I can’t think of any basis in the scriptures for supporting that, but at the same time, I think it’s a fair assumption.

I know that I personally will never fully know Christ. He is infinitely beyond my complete understanding. I will always learn more about him, but never fully. I could go through a hundred years of knowing Jesus, and yet still be a fifteen year old kid.

Life moves fast. Sometimes too fast. Enjoy every moment you have, and stay in the present. Stay with God, don’t wander ahead of him because you’ll miss the path he heads down next. Enjoy being 15, because you’ll be 100 soon enough.

Songs That Get Stuck in Your Head

Hello double post!!

Yes this is one of those rare days when you will see two posts from me. And also see one tomorrow, Friday, and Saturday as well I think!

First, I’M GRADUATING!!! That’s right, this Saturday afternoon I will be an official Clarkson graduate! I’m not done with school yet though, I have grad school in the fall at SUNY Plattsburgh.

Second, it’s senior week here at Clarkson. The week that many seniors who’ve worked hard for four years for some reason get hammered all week. Let me be brief, I’m not against drinking, I’m against getting smashed. Drunk. Hammered. Whatever you want to call it. I personally have no inclination or desire to get drunk.

Seeming as how it’s senior week, I’m just here. We don’t really have anything to do and so I’m bored. Hahaha, but I’ve found things to occupy myself with.

Every day since my last final last Friday I’ve woken up with a song from God in my mind. Two of them in particular. White Flag, from Passion, and 10,000 Reasons from Matt Redman.

I particularly enjoy both of them. White Flag talks of complete surrender to God, and 10,000 Reasons simply talks of thanking God for everything. So a double post and double feature today!

You, You are God

There’s a song that ran through my head last week. I had bits and pieces of the song that would run through my head. I couldn’t remember the entire thing though.

And then we sang it at a Sunday morning meeting. Oh man. I ended up going to a new level. My heart was racing as I literally offered everything to my God. I lifted my hands and sang from the depths of my heart.

It echoed in the very chambers of my soul…and I was happy. I was doing that which I had long desired to do. I was singing in worship God for who he is. Worshipping God for who He is and no other reason.

There is no other reason needed to worship God.

He is God, and for that reason I will worship Him.

You, You are God, You are Lord
You are all I’m living for
You are King of everything
I want my life to praise You

This was my prayer, and has been my prayer. I’ve come to realize that I am someone who will worship God for who he is.

I’m discovering that I love to worship God for who he is. The things that he has done are great yes, but who he is, that is greater.